Lies I will Never Regret Telling My Children

I don’t care where your moral compass lies, parenthood has a way of bringing out the Pinocchio in us all. There will come a time and more than likely many times when you will resort to lying to your children. Whether trying to preserve young feelings and personal sanity, or creating magic and executing a surprise, you will find deceit to be a useful tool eventually. 

For me, there are some lies that will forever stand out in my mind: 

Autobots, Roll Out!

One warm day after a grocery run as I was pulling out of a parking spot, I glanced back to find my young son staring at a convertible parked nearby. At that moment, the driver decided to lower the top and I took my opportunity.  

“Hey buddy, look it’s a transformer.” I called back to him. 

His eyes widened, wonder spread across his delicate features and he rode home with the knowing smile of one who has just witnessed something few will ever see.

Grandma’s Happy Meal 

My mother first introduced my oldest child to the McDonald’s Happy Meal when my daughter was two years old. Up to that point, we would give her a burger and share some fries with her keeping our cost and her caloric intake down. Once she had experienced the Happy Meal, it was difficult to convince her that she didn’t always need one. So, I began telling her that McDonalds only sold Happy Meals to grandmas. Thus, for a while I was able to keep cost and calories under control and the Happy Meal remained an occasional treat enjoyed with grandma. It was a win-win for everyone. 

Milkshake Test Dummy

Similar to the well known Dad Tax, we parents would selflessly risk our own taste buds and test all milkshakes to make sure they were of the highest quality. This too, worked for a good many years until one of our children developed an uncompromising case of Germaphobia and it spread among the ranks.    

The Old String and Tooth Trick

We have all had that one kid who refused to pull out that one tooth. When I encountered such a precariously dangling tooth, I suggested that we tie a string around it. If a string was tied tight enough the tooth would simply break free. There was no need to yank on it at all. I told my son I would show him first and then he could do it. That was a lie. He had no intention of getting that tooth out and I wasn’t about to give him any more chances. So, under the guise of instructing him on how to do it, I wrapped the string around the tooth and quickly pulled tight on either end of the string and down dropped the tooth. No pain, no blood, just a tooth finally where it belonged.

Time Honored New Year’s Tradition 

Our youngest children were born two time zones east of our oldest children. When our oldest children reached an age at which they could stay up until midnight and still behave themselves the following day, we came up with the lie that New Year’s is celebrated in the time zone of one’s birth. This meant that we held a countdown and celebration for the younger children two hours before midnight and sent them to bed ensuring they got their much needed rest while the older children got to enjoy their special privilege. Luckily, no one ever asked which time zones mom and dad were born in. 

Santa Claus

After years of creating magic and witnessing joy, you will never convince me that the myth of Santa Claus is in any way harmful to a child. Given the chance to indulge their imaginative play and make the impossible possible for just a little while is an opportunity I would never pass up. Done right, you will create nostalgia that will bring them comfort and happiness throughout their lives.

Dandy Dandelions 

There is something very precious in the way young children show love to their mothers. One of my favorite acts of love was receiving weeds from my children. They used to hand me bouquets filled with drooping dandelions and grimy grass every time we played outside. I will admit I was reluctant at times to bring these muddy, bug filled bouquets inside, but I always did. I would comment on their beauty and how thankful I was to have them. Little did my children know that although my words were genuine, I wasn’t referring to those weedy bouquets.   

Got a fun little white lie you told your children, I’d love to hear it. Comment below.