Raising Resilient Siblings in a Neurodivergent Family

I’ve heard it said that God only gives special kids to special people. That is just not true. I am certainly not special and, as wonderful as he is, my husband isn’t special either. We are just two people thrown into the middle of the ocean with no choice but to swim. 

Diagnosed with Prader-Willi Syndrome, our daughter has neurodivergent traits that are as challenging as they are unpredictable. Yet, we have found facing these challenges as a family has helped strengthen our resilience.

What’s Neurodivergent

Neurodivergent, a fancy way of saying my kid’s brain doesn’t function in the manner one would expect. She processes information a bit slower and often interprets situations inaccurately. She has extreme anxiety that creeps up at often unexpected times. In addition, her thoughts are quite rigid, and she is woefully self-absorbed. 

Caring for such an individual puts a tremendous amount of strain on the whole family. For many families, the strain is too great. Parents separate, and siblings, feeling alone and unimportant, venture down dark paths. All too often, the stress of living with a neurodivergent individual will tear a family apart. 

Thankfully, for us, our family bond has only grown stronger. But boy, does our daughter like to test it, and she has no qualms about doing so in the most egregious ways.

Its Impact on Siblings

As her parent, I accept my responsibility to manage her behavior and the havoc she can wreak, but it is devastating to see how her outbursts affect her siblings. They can only watch as the parents they rely on, awkwardly and often ineffectively, navigate each fragile situation.

Through the years, they have experienced birthdays and holidays interrupted by meltdowns. Vacations have been disrupted as their sister locked herself in bathroom stalls, screamed at the top of her lungs in hotel rooms, and threw outrageous fits in crowded restaurants and on busy streets.  

They have been embarrassed by her, feared for her, and quite rightfully been angry with her. They have stood by as she makes everything about herself, stepping aside as she steals the spotlight. 

It has all been so unfair for them. 

Special Resilience

Through it all, they have stood strong. After everything they have witnessed, they remain patient and good. No acting out, no attempts to steal back their thunder, and no whining about the unfairness of it all. 

Their responses are ones of compassion and understanding. Stepping up when the storm hits, older ones escort younger ones out of the chaos. They have stood by my side and done their best to help calm volatile situations. They can be counted on to take over urgent tasks amidst her meltdowns. And they show me a tremendous amount of concern, often greeting me when the dust has settled with understanding eyes, sympathetic smiles, and soothing hugs. 

I am not entirely sure how they have weathered these storms so well. They deserve much more praise and recognition than they will ever receive. To me, it is these incredible young souls who are truly special.